Woody Allen once wrote that pigeons are rats with wings. I say that deer are rats with really long legs… and bigger with prettier eyes, but at this point my deer quote is not nearly a catchy sounding as Woody Allen’s pigeon quote.
Point is, the damn things are everywhere and they are destructive. And yet, when many people see them, they stop and gush at the stupid things. This is an reaction that I just don’t understand.
Today I went with my neighbor to buy some daylilies from a guy who lives down in the MetroParks. We pass this poor person’s house which had a whole herd of deer wandering around the front yard.
My reaction was “Holy shit. Poor people. No wonder they have a blah yard. The stupid deer ate everything.”
My neighbor on the other hand gasps in amazement as though we had just stumbled upon a bevy of giant pandas instead of deer. And she went on and on about the deer. How amazing it was to see them, how wonderful they are. And she is not the only one who does it. All the time around here I see people slow down to look at some deer. Even I, myself, do it occasionally. “Look kids, there’s a deer! Isn’t it pretty? Is Daddy’s hunting bow in the back? Pass it up to Mommy.”
Frankly, I see more deer in a week than I do metro buses, as do most people around here. Why do we still find these animals to be somehow mystical? They aren’t magical, they are deer. Plain old, nearly-hit-one-with-my-car-every-other-month deer.
I think that they have developed some sort of super evolutionary power that causes them to scramble human brains, thus allowing them to compete reproductively with rabbits.
They are common, destructive and really tasty and yet people will scream over efforts to allow hunters to cull herds (thus keeping the creatures from overpopulation). I am telling you, it is a mind control power that gets people to scream about the inhumanity of culling a deer herd and then go home to a steak dinner.
Giant rats. If there is ever a nuclear holocaust, I am pretty sure cockroaches and deer will survive.