It is Earth Day again and it is once again time for Hanna’s Rant on Environmentalism. I have come to believe that over the years, it is no accident that the word “mental” appears in the word Environmental. I am continually annoyed and amazed at how we have just completely lost sight of what the whole point is of this. It seems to me that a large portion of the environmental movement these days has either lost all concept of sane behavior or is looking to make a fast buck off the process.

Case in point are the slogans attached to the environmental movement.

• “Save the Planet”
• “Earth Day”
• “Go Green”

Listen, in case you missed it in your natural history classes or don’t have cable and therefore are never able to watch the Discovery Channel, Planet Earth is a pretty venerable old lady. The last thing she needs is an inept set of human beings stepping into “save her”. We could set off 100 nuclear weapons, and Planet Earth would recover just fine. Remember, mega volcanoes, massive asteroids, NKOTB. She came through just fine after those disasters. Shrugged it off and kept spinning.

Besides, who really wants to save an oversized rock? Sure we live on it, but to a generation who has their cult picks of Star Trek, Firefly, Babylon 5 and Battlestar Galactica, we know damn well we will be getting off this rock one day (which was made all the more real by the recent discovery of an Earth class planet.)

Nope, these namby pamby planet saving sayings just don’t get personal enough. We need more sayings like “Drive Small Cars to Save Our Own Asses” or “Clean Air – Because We Need to Breathe to Live”

I think we need to bring in our moms to help make sayings too. “There is a starving kid in Africa that would be happy to have that.” Or “I don’t care if everyone else is using chemicals on their lawns. Would you jump off a bridge if everybody doing that?” or how about “Turn off that damn light! Do you know how much that costs?!?”

Maybe they are a little way too over the top. That would probably be why I am not in advertising. The point is, we have to stop making this about saving the planet. Environmentalists need to stop being shocked when the average person is just not interested in saving a rock (I don’t care if you think it is something more than a rock and you have proof, most people see it as a rock).

They need to see it as making here (as in here, where I am at any given moment at any given time) a better place. I am not an environmentalist. I use reusable grocery bags not because I want to not fill up the landfill, but because it makes my house a less cluttered place. I frown at the lady up the street who brings in ChemLawn, not because I think it is bad for the planet, but because they put those little signs out saying it is not safe for my kids to play on. I walk a little more than I use to not because I am thinking I am reducing global warming (don’t even think it is a factor) but because my rear end is going to need rear view mirrors soon.

Environmentalists would get much farther if they figured out the WIIFM angle and sold the public on that. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle is not about saving the planet, it is about helping (and maybe saving) ourselves (cheerleaders included).

I know, I know. 2 posts in one week and they both are in the “Getting Political” category. What is that Hanna thinking? Well, I am thinking that I can count the number of degrees shown on the thermometer on one hand and nothing gets the blood heated like a good political discussion. And if you can tie that political discussion into gardening, ah well… that just makes the blood and heart all warm and fuzzy. But not moldy fuzzy. That would be just icky.

In just a few days, the US will be marking a historic event. Barack Obama will be sworn into office. So why is this so historic? Because he is the very first Gen X president (ok, border line, but then so am I am the other end). Forget all those other firsts that people are tattering about. The fact that he is from my generation is something I stand in awe of. Hot Damn, I am finally a grown up.

What makes it even better is that Mr. Almost-President Obama is a man made from the same internet marketing soul as me. He gets why the internet is something bigger than a passing fancy and a fart in the wind. And he has and is using it to shape the future. I promise I am getting to the gardening part here shortly.

After he won the elections, Obama took his outstanding understanding of the web and commissioned a website for communicating with the American Public. It is not only a place where he can speak out to us, but where we the citizens of said American Public can talk back as well.

In the Citizen’s Briefing Book people have the opportunity to present ideas and other people, in true Digg fashion, have the opportunity to say if they are where we want the country to go or if those ideas are crap. Then, when voting is closed, the best and most voted up ideas will site before the very eyes of the President.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is our time. We have an unprecedented Gardening Moment before us. This is the time that gardeners should rally together as one to accomplish an all important task. Of course what that one task should be is up for debate, but I want to present a few:

Bring Back the Victory Garden – We as a country have spent billion$ shoring up banks that made bad decisions. Isn’t it time we invested in another kind of savings plan? Tax credits for those who keep a vegetable garden and grant money made available for expanding community gardening projects would not only improve our national nutrition but would help to offset the cost of the mess the credit crisis has caused.

Support the Small Farmer – Small farmers support an important niche in the US. A niche that is growing and can have legs in the US. Not only would this help to create jobs, but would work to make locally grown food more available and affordable. Locally grown food is certifiably more nutritious due to the fact that it can be picked closer to peak and that there is less time from harvest to consumption for it to lose vitamins and minerals.

Invest in City Farming – There are hundreds of abandoned lots and buildings that are just rotting in our city centers, inviting crime and filth to accumulate in areas where it only compounds the problem. Using eminent domain to seize these lots and turn them into urban farms that not only employ the local population but feed the local population would work to reclaim the food deserts we have created in our urban centers.

Create a White House Vegetable Garden – What better way to encourage home gardening than to start at the top? Mandate that a vegetable garden needs to be established on the grounds of the White House. Require that the food from that garden be used in the meals at the White House. Hire gardening experts who can create a vegetable gardening space that is efficient and could be duplicated by the average citizen. Include the garden on official White House Tours. Heck, instead of signing bills in the Rose Garden, start signing them in the Vegetable Garden instead.

There are so many things to vote on. So many ideas that a new president should look at. We gardeners know how important gardening is and this is the chance for us to let the incoming President how important it is.

Register on the site and vote for the ideas that appeal to you (even if they are not gardening ideas). Heck, submit your own ideas to the site and post about them on your blogs to bring in the votes. Together, we really, really can bring a garden to the world.

This past week, there has been an interesting news story making the news rounds about Macquarie island (between Australia and Antarctica) and their apparent, well, balancing issue. Like many places on the map that have borders on the bright blue, they have a guest problem. Like many people with a guest problem, they figured that getting the guest to leave would fix the problem. Not so much, it seems.

The problem started out as simple. Too many cats. The cats were booted off ships passing the island, had multiplied like bunnies and had become a nuisance to the islanders (who are apparently raging dog people). Actually, when I say islanders, I really mean island birds. The cats had been playing a mean game of Sylvester and Tweety, except Tweety was not winning.

The solution seemed simple. Remove the cats and you remove the problem. Except that cats were not the only critters booted off passing ships. It seems that the cats did not live by birds alone. They had a healthy diet of bunny, rat and mouse as well. All of which were uninvited guests on the island too.

The real problem became apparent after the cats were gone, when the local bunnies started multiplying like the cats had (see the circle here?). The “cute wittle bunnies” ravaged the vegetation where the local birds hid and well, the birds’ natural predators declared a local holiday and feasted on tasty and now stupid easy to catch local birds.

What lessons do we as gardeners learn here? One really important one. You don’t fuck with Mother Nature. Harsh language but absolutely appropriate.

Here in Cleveland, and in many places in the US, we have a similar issue. Whether it be suburbian expansion or unnatural selection, we have messed with Mother Nature’s balance and we have ended up with Mother Nature on PMS.

Deer come first to mind (really, I promise not to let this run into a deer rant). Funny thing is that the reason that people THINK we have a deer problem is not the real reason we have a deer problem. It is not a habitat issue. In the context of the island story, deer are the bunnies. So damn cute that it is not funny and their effects are devastating.

The deer population problem is a result of a previous culling. One not as much talked of since they are not as cute. Farmers, hunters and suburbanites have worked to eliminate the local coyote populations over several decades. The coyote hunt deer and any small animal (i.e. Fluffy and Rover) which makes them inconvenient. We killed the coyote and are now shocked when the bunny deer took over. I am now an avid, card carrying “Save the Coyote” fan. But I still get grief from those deer people. Apparently cute counts for more than natural.

We seem to think that just killing our way down the inconvenience chain will fix the problem. The herd of deer in my neighbor’s yard last week begs to differ. Of course, they are cute, so they have people on their side fighting for them (not me, I have a cross bow and a friend with a deer tag)

Enough with the deer (it is getting close to a rant). Let’s take this little mental foray even closer to our own home and garden.

“Those damn <insert local pest here>! Let’s kill ‘em all. ”

Except what are you killing? Are you getting rid of a problem or are you inviting a bigger secondary problem? When planning your gardening assault for this upcoming spring, whether it be on beast or weed, give some very serious thought to what effect you will have on your own personal plot of land. I suppose the moral of this story is that, just like that cute little old lady song, simply going mafia on your problems and sending in bigger and bigger hit men just won’t fix the problem and could just make it worse (remember: she’s dead, of course).

In recent months, I have been making an effort to use reusable bags for my shopping. Believe it or not, despite the barrage of mass marketing that has indicated that I can single handedly save the planet merely by scoffing at the often asked philosophical question of “paper or plastic?”, I am not doing this to go green. I have 3 totally not environmentally related reasons:

1. Money – Plastic bags cost the retail industry a small fortune every year. Since these bags are provided “free”, the cost gets handed to back to us in the cost of the item. On top of that, it costs money to dispose of plastic bags when you are done with them. Many people may think that the nice garbage men stop by your house because they are trash fairies with a chronic problem, but this is simply not the case. You pay taxes and your taxes pay the trashmen (or women, just to be PC). I know, I am being just a bit unrealistic in thinking that either the store or the city would be so kind as to return that money to me now that I am using reusable bags, but a girl can dream, cant’s she?
2. Resources – This past summer gas cost $4 a gallon and threatened with a sawed off shotgun to go to $5. My natural gas bill is now big enough that it rivals the operating budgets of small countries. While granted, the plastic for plastic bags is a by-product of petroleum and natural gas, I really think it is time we weaned ourselves off the non-renewable resource crack pipe all together. I often shutter to think what would happen if we somehow pissed off the Saudis. And no matter how you look at it, there is only so much of it left. Sure, maybe we have enough to use them for the next 200 years, but do you really want to have to tell your great-great-great-grandkid that the reason they are just SOL on the natural resources front is because YOU felt the need to carry your Twinkies home in a onetime use bag? I did not think so.
3. Space – You might think that I am going to say landfill space, but I fooled you. I am not. I am talking about the space in my kitchen. I am a Scottish packrat. You think that I am going to throw a perfectly good plastic bag in the trash!?! No way. I am going to keep it and use it as a trash bag, or a lunch bag or a suitcase (they love me at security, I can tell you that). Problem is that I had more plastic bags than I could actually ever use and half of my kitchen was lost to an avalanche of plastic. We still can’t find one of the kids.

Long and short of it, I decided that enough was enough and started carrying reusable bags (at least until I have used up my current horde of plastic bags and we finally local the missing offspring).

And, much to my dismay, using reusable bags comes with its own set of problems. *sigh*

Given that every store from here to China has been touting (or would that be toting?) these “green” bags, I am surprised by this.

I am sure you have seen these bags for sale. You know, the ones where they advertise that you can save the planet, combat evil and avenge the deaths of lemmings, all while getting low, low prices. Never mind that the silly things could barely fit a carton of eggs, let alone a week’s worth of groceries… But I digress. Let’s just say that I did not buy my reusable bags from these stores (I am fortunate enough to have several awesome Ikea bags.)

While the store owner thought far enough ahead to offer these useless little totes, they failed to think far enough ahead to actually explain to their employees what the hell they were for. My reusable bags are often met with a combination of bafflement, annoyance and occasional open hostility.

Through the use of reusable bags, I have learned that one of the most disdainful things you can do to a cashier is to disrupt her workflow (which is apparently only slightly less disdainful than interrupting the riveting conversation she was having with the cashier next to her simply because you would like to pay and leave the store). Some of the cashiers so thoroughly fail to grasp the point of reusable bags that they will attempt to place the groceries in the plastic bags before placing them in my reusable bags. One cashier insisted that he might lose his job if my groceries were not safely and hygienically ensconced in plastic upon leaving..

So this is the current state of reusable bags, at least here in Cleveland. You are crazy if you use ‘em and crazy if you don’t.

It’s Earth Day again… The day on which I feel I am compelled by internet peer pressure to post something (thank god they are not pressuring me to drink, I do enough of that already). Which makes me unhappy. I don’t like that gardening and environmentalism are supposedly tied hand in hand.

Gardening is a hobby and environmentalism is a cause. One should not be thought linked to a cause simply because one is participating in a hobby.

So, in honor of Earth Day and because it has been on my mind lately, I have a rant about environmentalism… again.

Since when did being environmentally friendly require attempting to max out your credit card?

Buy a Prius, buy a green house, buy bamboo shirts (never mind that cotton has been a renewable resource for centuries) and, for gods sake, buy organic foods. Ignore the fact that none of these really follows the old mantra of Reduce Reuse Recycle. Anytime you are buying something new, you are adding to the overall problem, no matter what you buy.

Buy something new (even environmentally friendly new) and the chances are really high that it still uses materials that were mined or created from dangerous chemicals or transported thousands of miles. If your old car/house/shirt was still perfectly serviceable and than it is still contributing to the “supposed” problem, whether still in use by another person or filling up a landfill. So what exactly got fixed? You did not fix anything but now you look cool, ‘cause you are just so damn green.

I guess I am just wondering when people got to be environmentally trendy instead of environmentally friendly. Actually, I sometimes wonder if they ever were anything but.

I suppose it goes hand and hand with last year’s rant about not feeling good enough for environmentalists. The mindset seems to be if are not spending, you are not supporting. What was I thinking? I could spend everything I have and go out and buy my self into environmental compliance. Gee, like country, like citizen.

I am not sure when the phrase went from being “Reduce Reuse Recycle” to “Buy Brag Buy More”, but it is time to stop shopping and start paying attention. The environmental movement is now officially killing people. Perhaps we would be much better off using fully what we already have made and making less of what will supposedly save the planet (but only if you buy today for the low, low price of $19.95.)

In case you forgot (which I normally do), you need to change your clocks tonight. It’s that whole Spring ahead thing, though thanks to the overzealous efforts of Congress, the earlier date ensures that it does not much look like spring outside.

They released a study recently that shows that Daylight Savings Time (as suspected) has completely and utterly failed at saving anything. It turns out that Indiana’s long time stance that “the cows still get up at the same time regardless of the clock” was right except that it took them thinking they were wrong to prove it. Such a shame, as we are now stuck with a national albatross around our neck.

Daylight savings time started out as a joke. Ha-ha. That good old Ben Franklin sure knows how to make fun of people (though, making fun of the French is not too hard, even in the modern era) but he was just kidding right? Change the clocks so that we don’t use as much resources… Pshaw… That will never catch on.

But like life, stupidity will find a way. And now we change our clocks twice a year.

During WWII, it made sense. We needed lights out. We needed darkness to evade the possible enemy. We needed to feel like we were sacrificing something because the boys overseas were sacrificing so much. But the fact of the matter is, all we are sacrificing these days is an hour’s sleep and a late night TV infomercial.

Daylight Savings Time costs money, it costs lives and it is a pain in the ass. Write your local congressperson and tell them that this is one joke whose punch line is long past being funny.

Yesterday I had a lovely tour at the Cleveland Botanical Gardens led by Matt Edwards, who is the Gardens’ animal caretaker. I got to see and hear about several very cool things and, of course, look at all of the orchids they have for their Orchid Mania show.

In fact, there was so much information (and pictures), that I am going to split up the whole thing into a few manageable posts.

I thought that a good place to start would be to talk about why I think the CBG rocks. And why I think we should have to pay for things like the CGB.

In my last post, Melanie from Shaker Heights said:

Do you really think the Cleveland Botanical Gardens are EXCELLENT? I have a very negative attitude towards it since the remodel. I can remember going down there on a weeknight and taking a stroll thru the herb gardens….FOR FREE!!!!

Melanie is a wonderful gardener ( and she leaves many wonderful and thought provoking comments) and this is a very valid question. Why should we pay for a Botanical Garden that was free just a few years ago? What do we get out of it? Don’t we have better things to spend our money on? Do we?

The people of Cleveland may not realize how they have, for a very long time, benefited from an legacy of wealth, elegance and opulence that had its heyday back over a century ago. A long time ago, wealthy men (and their wives and children) built in Cleveland, through a small portion of the ginormus pile of money they had made off oil, steel and railroads, what they felt a sophisticated society should have. And so, we have Wade Oval plus many other amazing features in Cleveland.  The CBG is ultimately a remnant of that era.

Unfortunately, greedy men (ok, inept city council members – I guess history sometimes doesn’t change all that much) chased away those wealthy men and their lovely remnants of sophistication were left to fend for themselves.

And they did fend for awhile. They brought in donations and they pounded on the doors of companies in Cleveland, demanding, begging that they keep these legacies alive. They kept up the buildings and grounds so we the public could enjoy them for free, but they did not have the funds to improve and ultimately amaze.

The fact of the matter is, no matter how many volunteers you have, no matter how enjoyable something is, no matter how much the public loves and adores it, these places cost money to operate. Love is just not enough to pay an electric bill or bring in a new, fascinating, highly unusual exhibit. And in case we have forgotten (not that I think anyone here has forgotten, but some people reading are not from Cleveland), the number of companies and wealthy donors in Cleveland has gotten significantly smaller over the years and the number of organizations with their hands out imploring has only gotten larger.

I have no doubt that the CBG had to recreate itself or it was facing a slow but inevitable crawl into oblivion. They faced a difficult choice, remain the same (free) and eventually perish - or –  evolve (charge money) and thrive. And it has recreated itself beautifully.

We have no problem with paying $8 to see the latest action packed drivel to come out of Hollywood. And after two hours there, we are politely but firmly herded out of the theater. We will pay $20 – $200 for a single ticket to enjoy the excitement of a sports game, a Broadway musical or a rock concert, and after a few hours, again, we are asked to leave. Many of us will spend literally $1,000s of dollars to follow that magical dream of “We’re going to Disney World” which is really no more than a well run and glorified amusement park. And yet we balk at the cost of a ticket to share the wonder of nature, science, beauty and amazement.

And what an investment those things are! I can honestly say that I have had more “amazing” moments with my children at museums, zoos and gardens than I ever did at a movie. Just ask the grandma who was following her 7-year-old child off the elevator yesterday at the CBG. That little girl’s exclamation of “Grandma, it’s all so BEAUTIFUL!” when suddenly facing a room full of orchids, is something that never would have happened had it not been for the fact that the cost of their tickets helped make that show possible in the first place.

For the low, low price of $7.50 ($3 for children), you can wander the grounds for an entire day. The show starts and ends when you say (as long as you say it between the hours of 10AM and 5PM) and the show is limited only by nature. As gardeners, we know that means that there are no limits.

If you live here in Cleveland, be glad that the cost of the CBG is less than the cost of a movie. If you still live in a place where your local Conservatory or Botanical Gardens are free, remember that it costs money to operate and without your donation, it might not be there tomorrow. Drop a fiver or a ten spot into that donation box. Our gardens deserve our money more than any of those snobby actors out in Hollywood do.

Ok, in case you have not read the story (which is all over the news), take a minute to read it. Go on… I’ll wait.

Oh, good. You are back. Okay, so are you thinking what I am thinking? Like GOSH HOW STUPID CAN PEOPLE BE?

Never mind that this woman was technically resisting an officer. Never mind that they actually drove her down to the police station because she did not want to give a police office her name. Let’s get down to what started this whole snafu in the first place.

A woman failed to water her lawn and she is being charged in court for this.

In Utah, which I might remind you is a state in constant conflict within itself and with its neighboring states over water rights.  In Orem, UT, which I believe is located in a desert.

A woman failed to water her lawn and she is being charged in court for this.

Tell me someone else is not shaking their head and wondering what sort of screwed up society we live in where a woman WHO LIVES IN A DESERT is charged with a crime because her lawn is brown.

I just want to point this is another reason why I cannot ascribe to the environmental movement anymore. The government can preach to me all day long about how I need to clean up my act as a good citizen, but I don’t think it is really fair that the government makes laws counter to this preaching. Don’t overuse your water on silly things like washing dirty used cars, but by golly if you had better water that lawn or you will be facing some pretty stiff fines.

It is ridiculous. For god sakes… If I was on city council in Orem, I would be calling an emergency meeting and rescinding a few of these stupid lawn laws then apologizing as quickly as possible to this woman, the residents of Utah and the citizens of the US for being a mockery of the American justice system and the environmental movement in general.

I wasn’t sure what I was going to post today. As I said last year, this is one of those days where, as a gardener, I feel obligated to post something. And maybe that is the problem. I am feeling a little put out that I should feel that I need to post something.

One of the greatest gardening misconceptions on the internet is that all gardeners are environmentally savvy and we hug trees and we kiss flowers and we never, ever use nasty chemicals to make our flowers lovely. Gosh golly gee, Beav, if we’d all just be like those enviromental gardeners (because they are all enviromental, right? that’s why they garden after all), the world would have happy children everywhere and no one would ever die. And those evil people who don’t agree with us should just put a bullet in their head and make the world a better place.

I am getting a little tired of it. One can only take so much guilt before one feels they must run out to Mal-Wart, buy a big bag a fertilizer and bottle of pesticide just to feel like you have some control in your life.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not for all out chemical warfare on nature. I don’t use all that much fertilizer. I use compost where I can. I don’t use pesticides at all. And I use weed killers only when I have exhausted all the other non-chemical methods. I am a whole lot more conscious of my chemical use than the lady down the street who just had the ChemLawn truck spray and tag her yard. I believe that you should be responsible. And I feel that for the enviromental movement, this is not enough. I think I could live in a hut and never venture outside and that still wouldn’t be enough.

The environmental movement makes me feel like I am never doing enough and because of this, I don’t feel like playing with them anymore. Frankly, Ortho & Monsanto are much nicer to me. Hey, environmental movement, how about a little positive reinforcement once in awhile?!?

On top of that, I am beginning to get the same feeling for the environment that I have for politics. I am just disgusted by both sides. I feel like both sides lie to me and both sides treat me like I am some sort of sap. I remember very distinctly that when I was in grade school I was told that by this time, the rainforests would all be gone and we would all be crispy critters because the ozone would be so depleted. Not to mention that we would have no potable water and that all the baby seals would be dead and worn by all the most famous movie stars.

So what happened? Did we clean up our act enough to get through these crisises? Then how about someone pointing that out. A kind of “Atta Global Community”.

Or did the enviromental movement just lie about it all, exagerate it a little so that someone would pay attention? Or worse, did we play Chicken Little and buy into stories that the media fed us to get ratings?

I can only listen to the “Wolf! Wolf!” stories so many times before I begin to wonder how true they are. Perhaps the environmental movement should take this into account. At this point in time, it is becoming less and less likely I will listen to any crisis and I don’t think I am the only one. Remember what happen to the boy who cried wolf? So at this point in time, can you blame the world (and me) if they no longer want to listen?

I want to be part of the solution, I do, but first you have to help me feel like I am part of the solution and not just another part of the problem.

Several years ago, I made the decision to stop shopping at Mal-Wart. I have to be honest, it was a purely selfish reason. They tried to force me to use my debit card as a debit card. Aghast! The horror of this action.

I know, I know, they exploit millions of people and what does it take to get me to stop shopping there? It takes them trying to force me to pay a $1.50 bank fee rather them then paying $.30-.40 extra transaction fee.

Either way, I stopped shopping there. And I have to admit, my resolution was strengthened the more and more I heard about the atrocities that Mal-Wart colluded to.

But then I heard about a clandestine project that Mal-Wart has been working on for the past few months. Something so far reaching, so shocking that it could throw the environmental world into utter chaos.

Mal-Mart wants to Go Green, at least a little.

I was speechless, and you can ask anybody who knows me. Me being speechless about any company that has done me wrong is one of the signs of the Apocalypse.

Here is the deal, yesterday was the day that Mal-Wart stopped accepting bids for a project that would put solar panels on all of their stores in five states.

ONLY FIVE STATES! Why not all 50 and in China as well? But before you go getting your panties in a wad, as it is with only five states, the size of this project could throw a giant widget into the cogs of the solar energy industry. The industry is simply not large enough to provide the products to Mal-Wart and still provide it to the rest of the country. But the solar energy industry is darn willing to try. At this size, the project would only disrupt the industry for a few months. Any larger and you start talking years.

Mal-Wart has kept this project very hush-hush because, well, they are not fully committed to it. They are kicking the tires and checking to see if solar energy is something they would like to drive. And I hope they do decide to buy, because you know what happens when the biggest Jones on the block gets a new car.

They say that it will reduce greenhouse gases (which we all know is not my biggest concern) but from my vantage point, this move would be a giant leap towards reducing dependence on non-sustainable forms of energy and reducing pollution as well.

But I am going to keep an eye on this story. If they actually go through with it, I may even stop calling them Mal-Wart.