But, as I was reminded of by Tiffany from North Union Farmers Market, the very best places to get plants are at the multiple plant sales and plant swaps that happen this month. (And since Tiffany was the one who pointed this out, I will make a special call out for the North Union Flower Day plant sale on May 22 in Crocker Park).

Anyway, as a public service, I have compiled some places that will be holding plants sales this month. If you have a plant sale or swap in the Northern Ohio area to add, please feel free to leave the information on it in the comments below.

Shaker Lakes 28th Annual Plant Sale
When: May 15th, 2010, 9 a.m. – 3 p.m.
Where: The Nature Center at Shaker Lakes

The Holden Arboretum Plant Sale
When:  Member Preview, Friday, May 14; noon to 5pm
Saturday, May 15 and Sunday, May 16, 10am to 4pm
Where: Warren H. Corning Visitor Center

Cleveland Metroparks Zoo  Annual Plant Sale (by Pre-order Only)
When:  Friday, May 21 – 1 – 5 p.m
Saturday, May 22 – 10 a.m. – 5 p.m.
Where: Cleveland Metroparks Zoo 

North Union Flower Day at the Market
When:  Saturday, May 22 – 9am to 2pm
Where: Crocker Park Farmers Market

Cleveland Botanical Garden’s 2nd Annual Home Landscape Fair and New Plant Sale
When:  Saturday, May 22 and Sunday, May 23: 10:00 am – 4:00 pm
Where: Cleveland Botanical Garden

Stan Hywet’s Spring Plant Sale
When:  Saturday, May 22 – 10am – 4:30pm
Where: Stan Hywet Hall & Gardens

I started out my morning at Home Depot. I did not go there to buy plants, but rather to buy a gigundous bag of my favorite container soil mix. I was going to fill all my containers today and Home Depot is the only place locally that sells the compact car size bags of this soil (and bonus for under $15).

Walking through the Home Depot plant section is a painful experience for me. Of all the big box stores in the world, Home Depot is the worse as far as less than helpful employees and plant care. I cringed as I hurried past a poor woman who was told by the clueless cashier that the entire cart of plants she had were indeed perennials (they were annuals). I shied away from the section that contained the bishop’s weed and English ivy. The temptation is too great to dash the whole shelf to the ground and declare that that I have saved the current customer from a fate worse than shrubbery.

Don’t get me wrong, I have tried in the past to interfere but it is never received kindly. You see, I don’t posses the all knowing orange vest that seems to imply knowledge of all things green and growing. I am just a lowly customer who surely is as ignorant as they are. Why else would I be in Home Depot? My advice is seen as a rude intrusion. I keep my head down and pay… quickly. The security guard has just informed another customer that applying twice as much fertilizer is sure to have only a positive effect.

My next stop is Pettiti’s. This is just evidence that my addiction knows no price tag. I need cool plants. I need unusual plants. Hirt’s, my previous supplier of unusual annuals, has not had any for two years now and I am a desperate woman. I simply can’t take another year of nothing but plain jane petunias and gaudy salvia.

So I cross the threshold of the Oakwood Village Pettiti’s and I am dazzled by the splendor. Massive, tall pots that sell for $200. Not one, but literally hundreds, all lined up and color coded for effect. Patio furniture that costs more than my own car. Statuary that you only find in Shaker and Hudson gardens is stacked carelessly along one wall like the $7000 price tags mean nothing at all. Oh my god, is this heaven or is this hell. I do not know.

My synapses are starting to misfire so I hurry past.

The plant section is not much better. Beautiful plants. Wonderful plants. Fabulous plants. The really wonderful annuals are not sold by the flat. They are only sold in 4″ pots. 4″ annuals are $5 each. Breathe woman, breathe. You can do this. You have to do this.

I rifle through each section of the annuals that I want to buy. I feel the stems and peek under the foliage. I am looking for the pots that have two or three plants each, a mistake made by some careless worker while they repotted the plants for resale. I can tear the bases apart this way and get a little bit more plant for my money.

The employees eye me sideways, the customers are oblivious. They pick out $200 pots and fill a single pot with $300 more in plants (they buy the 6″ pots at $12 a pop). I am a gardener and even I have trouble doing that. This is the frightening power of Pettiti’s gardening.

While standing in line at the register, I begin to suffer from sticker shock. I even slip enough to tell the cashier that the dahlia the woman in front of me is buying is indeed sold as an annual as they would otherwise need to be dug up each year. The cashier thanks me but sees the signs. Sticker shock in customers is contagious so she takes evasive action. She rings quickly and offers me a plastic sheet for my trunk. I say yes, then no, then yes. Oh, save me, I just don’t know! She hands it to me and gently pushes me out the front door. “Go home, ” she says, “Go home and plant your flowers. You will feel better.”

I do that. It’s the only thing I can do. I need to stay away from these places. They are just not good for my mental health.

• My matching set of titanium and gold wedding rings… Bought on eBay
• My ’05 PT Cruiser Convertible… Bought on eBay
• My Doc Martin Boots… Bought on eBay
• My computer I am typing on right now (and the other three in my house)… Bought on eBay

So this morning, when I reviewed the ailing plants that were transplanted from the bad soil and decided that there was no hope in this green earth that they would ever make a recovery, I knew where I needed to go. I had to go to eBay.

Now, just about everybody knows that everything under the sun is sold on eBay. You can buy human souls, Mary bearing toast and giant Cheetoes. I mean what else is eBay for but to buy things you have absolutely no use for.

But when I mention to people that you can buy live plants, 9 out of 10 times I get a quizzical look. “Plants… on eBay… you can do that?” Yeah, they are right there next to the human souls section.

If they don’t react with surprise, they normally have some apprehension on whether or not eBay plants are quality plants.

I personally have never had a problem with my eBay plant purchases. I am careful to check the feedback score and the feedback comments and as long as I find that they are both positive, I find that I get great plants.

The really awesome thing about eBay is that many plant sellers are just small hobbyists selling their extras. Some very unusual and hard to find varieties are very reasonably priced when sold by these people.

With my half of my tomatoes dead in the water (or soil as it may be), I decided to buy a lot of heirloom tomatoes from TomatoGirl. She has an excellent, high feedback score and a to die for selection of heirloom tomatoes. Not to mention that the cost is only about $2.50 per plant and that is even after shipping. I couldn’t buy even the most common heirloom tomato plant for that price at my local nursery.

I ordered a lot of 10 and they should be here by the end of next week. Thank goodness for people who can grow seeds a hell of a lot better than I can and for eBay who makes it easy for me to buy from them.

Until today, I had just been doing some online shopping. I have bought seeds from no less than five companies. Tomato Growers Supply, Jung Seeds, Baker Creek Heirloom Seeds, Penya Seeds and Dave’s Seeds and Plants. Sad part is that I really suck at starting seeds, but desperate people don’t always act logically, so I imagine I have dropped around $100 on seeds that may never see adult planthood.

Taking my lack of seed starting skills into account, I also invested in a seed starter. More importantly, a self watering seed starting kit. It’s the watering part that I fail miserably at, if the truth be told.

Today, though, I kicked my garden shopping into overdrive. First stop, The Improvements/Alsto’s Outlet store. 75% off the green tags and 50% off the yellow ones and lots of garden kitsch as far as the eye can see (which is to the back wall of the store). Red tomato plastic, a watering wand, a glow in the dark, glass Saturn garden stake and a heavy, heavy glazed terracotta pot. I would have bought more, but we were driving my friend’s very small car and I didn’t think the 6′ fountain that was selling for $30 would fit well in the trunk.

After that, it was quick hop over to Half Price Books where I found three books on gardening on the Clearance shelves. w00t! as they say in the cyber world.

I’d like to say that I am done with my gardening buying spree, but I doubt it. I imagine more seed catalogs will end up at my door and more packages will shortly follow. If I can’t garden in my garden, I can at least dream of what it will be, provided the bank approves the increase on the home equity line of credit.

• Apple mint
• Corkscrew willow
• pussy willow
• creeping phlox
• Dark Iris
• Petasites
• Chocolate mint
• Variegated mint
• lemon thyme
• Jack in the Pulpit
• Streptocorpus
• Poppy
• Unnamed sedum
• Two weird ceramic donuts

I did not get to Coit Rd Farmer’s Market. I could not get my lazy butt out of bed. I barely got my kiester going for the plant sales.

We started out at the Bedford plant sale. As I expected, it was smaller with half of the flowers being nursery stock. Prices were okay. I got a Dark Iris, as it was marked, for $3. I think that means a dark purple, but we will see come next spring.

Next was the Master Gardener Plant Sale. Just fantastic. Everything I had hoped for and more. Among the plants I bought was a lovely shade plant called Petasites (common name is Butterbur). It has a huge leaf and is variegated and grows in shade.

The prices at the Master Gardener’s sale were great and they some rather hard to find plants. I attended all their classes too and picked up some great tips but I will highlight each of the classes individually over the next few days. Otherwise, this would be a very long post.

Last we hit the plant swap. It was a small swap with some rather enthusiastic though newbie gardeners. The variety was not great but it was fun to share some gardening tips with the attendees. It makes you feel smart.

Then it was home again, home again higgity jig to unload my car. Now I have a whole plethora of plants that need to be planted and I am just too tired. *sigh* Where did I leave that last can of Red Bull?