I have a confession. I am a StumbleUpon addict. It is a really good thing that I don’t actually work for anyone, because I would waste 1000s of working hours hitting my StumbleUpon button like a crack addicted lab rat. I am sure that if I was attending some kind of self help group, like SUUAnon (StumbleUpon Users Anonymous) or IAFABWAL (Internet Addicts For A Better World And Life)  I would tell you to avoid this program at all cost. But since I am an unrepentant SU junkie, I am going to tell you to run right out and install it on your computer… now… I will wait…

Oh good, you are back.

The awesome thing about StumbleUpon is you find the most awesome, awesome things on the internet. (*sigh*, I just said awesome 3X in one sentence. I need to cut back on the Red Bull.) You know that feeling back in 1994 and you first saw the dancing hamsters and you said “Oh my god, this internet thing can not only make information available to the masses but will make sure that the masses are so busy watching asinine but strangely fascinating things that they never learn any of that stuff” – StumbleUpon can give you that feeling again as fast and as many times as you can click on a button and your browser can load.

I just realized that my tangent went way down the path, so let me fetch it back.

Sooooooo… I was hitting my SU button the other day and I found the coolest thing. A way to make a window garden… wait for it… out of mostly garbage.

Watch now and then we will talk:

Now I have a yard and a garden in that yard. This is not something I am needing all that much right now. But, the system intrigues me for the winter when I want to grow fresh herbs and the like.

And I definitely could see how an apartment bound urban dweller would see this as a bridge. A way to garden in some fashion and have something that was not trucked 2,000 miles to feed you. But as cool as this system is, unless I am living on lettuce and herbs, it appears it can only supplement my diet and really only replaces some low level veggies.

That is not to say that it is not really awesome (there is that word again)and fun to do, I am just not really sure how effective it would be.  What do you think?

This weekend I am planting seeds, which for a gardener, is kind of like the first game of pre-season for baseball fans. The effort doesn’t really count towards the fruits of the season (after all, half the prospects  in front of you will be tossed from the team, given away or traded before you even get them in the field – not to mention you still have a good 2 months before you get to see any real play), but the winter has been long and it is comforting and exciting to get some kind of action in.

But in sorting through my seed collection, inventorying the plethora of seeds I own and which ones will make the cut this year, I came to contemplate the wonder that is a seed.

Many people think of it as a baby plant, but in fact it is really a plant womb.  And an incredible one at that. Much like chicken eggs, it contains everything that a baby plant might need to survive until it can fend for itself. But unlike a chicken egg, seeds can stay viable for years, centuries, millennia even.  Even the seeds that you bought 4 years ago when you went on the $100 “got to have all the seeds despite the fact that I don’t have room for all these plants” seed buying binge that are now shoved in the back of the garage still have a pretty good chance of still growing a perfectly healthy plant. Hint: If you find a 4 year old chicken egg in the back of your fridge and you crack it open to see if it is still viable, you had better be bringing a biohazard unit with you.

Seeds can be small. The smallest seeds in the world weigh less than 1/35,000,000th of an ounce, can’t be seen by the naked eye and comes from epiphytic orchids.  Needless to say, the epiphytic orchid farming industry probably does not take place in someone’s kitchen with cups filled with dirt and tweezers.

The largest seed in the world is from the double coconut palm and weighs 55 lbs. Double coconut palm farmers apparently are sought out as husbands in areas that they grow because they are also well known for their ability to move heavy objects and open jars.

The use of seeds to further a plant species is a biological adaptation that is over 385 million years old. The first known plant to produce seeds was Elkinsia polymorpha. It developed during the Late Devonian period. And just to make sure we humans feel pretty pathetic, this means that plants have been making seeds since before there was Starbucks, humans, mammals and even dinosaurs.

So my little league team of seeds has an evolutionary connection to an All Star cast. Really, I will be happy if they just sprout. But, until the field of play is thrown open, I can dream about a World Series season out in my garden.

Hello?

Is there anybody in there?

Just nod if you can hear me.

Is there anyone at home?

Come on, now,

I hear you’re feeling down.

Well I can ease your pain

Get you on your feet again.

Relax.

I’ll need some information first.

Just the basic facts.

Can you show me where it grows?

I am sorry. I abandoned you all. But I had good reason. I needed a break. A good long break.

My world, as we knew it, has changed astronomically since we last talked. And in a really, really good way. So let’s take a trip (not that kind of trip) in Hanna’s Way-Back-Machine.

When last we spoke, it was August. My husband was gone, my tomatoes were being ravaged, and I was working 70-80 hours per week. Life was interesting. And that is putting it mildly. Actually, it just kind of sucked all round.

Lots of things happened since that time. Some I will share, some just are not your damn business. But let’s just say that all of it culminated it me needing a break. A nice long break.

So let’s talk about good things.

Once upon a time I talked about dreams. And I am fairly certain for any gardener a giant dream is making money from gardening. Any “beyond my wildest dreams” dream for a gardener is making enough money to live off of gardening. Well, hold on to your panties ladies and gentlemen (and if you gentlemen have panties, return them to their lady owners ASAP or just don’t tell me about it), I am there. For the better part of 3 years, I put in the equivalent of a second part (and many times full) time job to be able to accomplish that. In August (note when I stopped writing here – sorry, I was tired of doing oh so much for way too long), I quit my day job and became a full fledged, money making, garden guru. How awesome is that?

My break from this blog can only be described to gardeners in terms of an August garden. You spent so much time up until August cleaning and grooming and working, that you just need a break and you let it all go to pot just so you can enjoy the beauty of what you have created.

So now, this is my life. I wake up every day now and all I have to do is write about gardening. Could you really ask for more?

It turns out you can.

My hubby is home. It was hard and it was worth it. If the last 12 months have taught me anything, it is that shit, even the good shit, does not come free. The real things in life have a cost, and the cost is worth it. I had a good marriage before. A solid marriage. But you always have questions. I don’t have questions anymore, and that means a lot in terms of marital bliss.

And, with all those questions out of the way, my husband and I (with the blessing of our three lovely male children) decided that while we had everything we could ask for, we were missing something still. So as we speak, and as I run around in frantic circles like a chicken with its head cut off trying to locate obscure but important information, my family is going through the process of adopting a child. A girl. I love my boys, but a woman can only take so much dinosaurs, Star Wars and swords before she decides that a future with the possibility of dress up, prom dresses and un-peed on toilet seats looks mighty fine.

And then there is spring. It is here and it does spring hope on an eternal basis. Today the temps in Cleveland were up over 60F. Don’t worry, it will be snowing next week, I am sure. But today it felt like it was time to get back out into the world. There were snowdrops blooming and the top on my convertible was down.

Welcome back world. This garden has missed you terribly.

Part of Hanna’s Tomato Tastings 2009
As far as yellow tomatoes go, well for me they are hit or miss. I have tried some really great yellow tomatoes, and others, well, not so much. The reason yellow tomatoes are so ambiguous on the flavor scale is the fact that yellow tomatoes are either full flavored or “mild” flavored (read no flavor). Hearing that a tomato is mild flavored is like hearing your blind date has a mild personality. That’s the first sign that your evening will end early and that you should probably check your local TV listings for something more scintillating to spice up the rest of the night, like golf. So it goes with yellow tomatoes. Mild is not a word I like to hear associated with a tomato.

The description from the company I got it from reads:

This potato leaf heirloom originally from an old British seed company produces bright yellow golf ball sized, thin skinned, tangy, and delicious fruits. They are very unique in taste! Indeterminate. 75 days.

The Beauty Pageant:

Size: About the size of a golf ball is right. Bigger than a cherry tomato, but not by too much.

Shape: Very round.

Color: Bright, bright yellow. Like highlighter yellow.

The inside: Medium walls for this size tomato. Rather large seeds with juicy gel. There is a core that is also medium sized.

Texture: Rather on the soft and mealy side.

Tasting:

Off the Vine Tasting: As I feared, this is a “mild” tomato. Low acid in it makes for weak tomato flavor.

Sliced and Salted Tasting: Salt gives this tomato a little more personality (kind of like a shot of tequila does for that blind date) but you can only work with what you have.

Cooking Thoughts: This is a salad tomato if I ever saw one. Too small for anything else, really. It would be good on salads and used for appetizers. But, I would not pair it with any flavors that it would have to compete with. Otherwise it would just get lost.

Growing Notes:
Rather large plant and produces well. It looks like it may have late blight (judging by the bottom leaves) but it seems to keep going like a trooper.

Will Hanna grow this one again:
No. Just not my style of tomato. If you are looking for something “mild” (and there are lots of people who are) this is a good tomato, but I like a tomato with a little more force.

Part of Hanna’s Tomato Tastings 2009

This would be my freaky-deaky tomato of the season. It is a tomato that really, really wants people to think it is part of the very in hot pepper crowd. If you were not looking closely, you might mistake it for one. But even confused tomatoes can’t change who and what they are.

The description from the company I got it from reads:

The oblong red fruits are 3″ wide and 5″ long with orange and yellow stripes/speckles and decorative enough to keep in a basket on your kitchen counter until you are ready to cook with them. But, you will appreciate the hefty, meaty fruit with few seeds the most for the excellent flavor it has in sauce. You can also use these tomatoes fresh and sliced for sandwiches and hors d’oeuvres.

The Beauty Pageant:

Size: Anywhere from as long as my hand to as long as my finger. Somewhere as thick as two fingers and three fingers.

Shape: Long and pointy. Think a butch witch’s finger.

Color: Bright red with orange striation. The inside is a solid red.

The inside: Very few seeds with thin walls, but a thick core. Almost no gel.

Texture: This is a very mealy tomato, but fortunately, it has all the characteristics of a good sauce tomato.

Tasting:

Off the Vine Tasting: The flavor is straight tomato, and neither a strong nor a weak tomato flavor. Not all that memorable.

Sliced and Salted Tasting: Salt makes this tomato tangier. Gives it a little personality, like a shot of tequila gives a suburban housewife a bit more personality.

Cooking Thoughts: I don’t think that the feel of this tomato lends itself to appetizers, as the description suggests and has not enough unique flavor to eat on its own. But, it is a grade A sauce tomato.

Growing Notes:
Fairly healthy, but not robust. To tell the truth, from the time this tomato plant was a seedling, it always looked unhealthy. The leaves on this plant are naturally droopy. Every one of them I gave away elicited questions on their health because of the droopiness. It is hard to say if the adult plant is unhealthy or if it simply is just a perpetually sickly looking plant.

Will Hanna grow this one again:
No. Interesting tomato, but not enough production to make it a good choice for a saucing tomato.

Part of Hanna’s Tomato Tastings 2009

If tomatoes spoke, I imagine in my head that this one has a southern accent. Granted, according to its history, it would have a heavy Russian accent, but frankly, Tula does not sound like a cold Eastern Block city, but rather a warm and heavy aired US Southern city.

Regardless of where this tomato hails from, it is awful purrty. It even looks like a Southern Belle with all those ruffles. It even has ruffles on the inside. But the real question is if this tomato cupcake tastes as good as it looks.

The description from the company I got it from reads:

Russian heirloom that is a favorite black of many tomato aficionados. Unique, large 8-12 oz. dark tomato in a deep purplish-brown color.

The Beauty Pageant:

Size: Slightly smaller than the palm of my hand.

Shape: As mentioned, very rufflly. Ruffles on the shoulder which, when you cut it, are reflected on the inside. Makes for a pretty tomato on the plate.

Color: Brick red with green shoulders. The inside has dark red meat and dark green gel, which adds to the visual experience.

The inside: Medium size seeds with thin walls. Gel is juicy but solid.

Texture: The meat is mealy, but to be honest, the walls are so thin, there is very little meat to really ruin the mouth feel of the tomato. The smooth gel is really most of the bite.

Tasting:

Off the Vine Tasting: The initial flavor is strong. Very tangy and deep. It is the gel driving that. The meat is pretty bland next to the gel, but, again, there so little meat, that this is not an issue.

Sliced and Salted Tasting: Salt changes the flavor some by toning down the tang, but it is not by much. It does bring up the meats flavor a bit too, making it taste closer to the gel.

Cooking Thoughts: This would look pretty on a plate, but it is pretty small for a plated tomato. Defiantly good for salads, maybe a caprese salad. Not a saucing tomato as you need the gel to get the flavor.

Growing Notes:
Pretty healthy plant. Some lower leaf loss, but it is hard to tell if that was the plant itself or from raccoon damage.

Will Hanna grow this one again:
Maybe. The flavor is strong and nice. The only thing that is holding this back from a definite yes is not knowing exactly how to serve it regularly. I will have to think on that.

Part of Hanna’s Tomato Tastings 2009

This is the tomato that took my heirloom virginity. Many years ago, when I was but a sparkling, wet new home owner, I planted a vegetable garden. Sure, I had kept container gardens before. Grew an odd tomato here or there, had watched my own mother grow tomatoes in her garden, but now I had a vegetable plot and I was going to plant tomatoes.

I did as many generations did before me, I went to my local nursery and bought a few tomato plants. In my basket were the normal hybrids, Better Boy, Early Girl, Beef, Big Boy; all cute and clustered in the 4 count cell packs. And that was when I noticed the lone Cherokee standing across the way. He was in his own pot, tall and sturdy. A loner if I ever saw one. And I was filled with a desperate need to find out more about him. So I grasped his ½ gallon container and home he came with me.

To say my first taste of this Cherokee was life changing was an understatement. Never had it occurred to that a tomato could taste like anything other than a tomato. I fell in love and it was a love that has brought me to this place.

It was a fleeting summer love, as summer loves tend to be. And oddly, I never grew Cherokee Purple in my garden again… Until this year. I decided that I would re-visit my first heirloom love and see if my inexperience led me to believe it was so great or if the memory was as true then as it seems now.

The description from the company I got it from reads:

This old heirloom variety from Tennessee, rumored to have come from the Cherokees, has a very rich tomato flavor and unique coloring. The medium-sized 10-12 ounce fruits have a rose/purple skin with a brick red interior. With intense tomato taste and just the right level of sweetness, you will be shocked at how special this variety is. Cherokee Purple tomatoes have a thin skin and soft flesh.

The Beauty Pageant:

Size: Baseball size.

Shape: A nice round tomato. It does seem just a smidge prone to cracking.

Color: Dark, dark red on the bottom with dark, dark green shoulders. The interior is the same dark red and the exterior.

The inside: Largish seeds and loose gel. The core is rather thick and the walls, while not thick, are not thin either

Texture: Smooth and soft. Nearly melt in your mouth. The texture stops just shy of being silky, but is not bad at all.

Tasting:

Off the Vine Tasting: Nice, smoky flavor. You can taste the tomato, but there is just more to this. The meat is defiantly weaker in flavor than the gel and sweeter too, but the meat is not bad on its own. The gel is very concentrated and tangy. It bursts in your mouth.

Sliced and Salted Tasting: Salt is no friend to this tomato. It really mutes all the nice flavors in it.

Cooking Thoughts: Again, not a tomato you can sauce with. You lose half the fun if you de-seed it. This is a suburb BLT tomato. There will be no tug of war to contend with than might pull the slice of the tomato out of the sandwich. It will just melt when you bite into it.

Growing Notes:
Healthy plant that is producing nicely. I can see why this tomato ends up in so many newbie heirloom tomato grower’s gardens. Easy to grow with good taste. You can’t beat that for a beginner or a sure fire standard in the garden.

Will Hanna grow this one again:
Most likely. Memory did not betray me on this one. It is a good tomato. Have I had better? Yes (experience does that) – but this is certainly a solid performer.

Part of Hanna’s Tomato Tastings 2009

I am not a white tomato fan. They tend to be bland because they tend to low acid. Great for people with acid reflux issues but not so much for my particular palet.

But, I am hopeful for this one. First, it was recommended by my tomato plant supplier. She knows her tomatoes and she generally makes great suggestions. After all, she found a cherry tomato that I could like and before this, I had never tried a cherry tomato I liked.

And, I have found others who speak highly of it. So, I will leave my white tomato prejudices behind and see if we can’t lift the segregation in my vegetable garden.

The description from the company I got it from reads:

Our fruits were smooth, flattened, oblate beefsteaks and weighing in around 8 oz. They were of the palest yellow….well, almost white….with light pink striping on the outside. Slices were the palest yellow with a pink trim, very pretty. Very unique and very pleasant tasting.

The Beauty Pageant:

Size: About as wide as my palm, and a few inches tall.

Shape: A flatish tomato with a slightly lumpy top.

Color: Very, very pale yellow. It was interesting watching this tomato ripen. Because it is so pale, it was like watching a ball of green water drain the water out.

The inside: There are many, many chambers . It looks like a beefsteak inside. The inner walls are thicker than the outer walls. Medium number of seeds.

Texture: Soft texture but firm give to the meat. Not mealy, but not silky either. I am not really fond of the texture, but it is not really bad either. There is not too much gel and what is there is pretty firm.

Tasting:

Off the Vine Tasting: Very tangy for a white tomato. The gel is very strong on flavor. Not so much a normal tomato flavor, though there is plenty of tomato flavor in it. It is like a tomato with lemon flavor to it to. Like a tomato lemonade. The meat is pretty flavorful as well. Still lemony but weaker and a bit sweeter. But, even on its own, the meat tastes pretty good.

Sliced and Salted Tasting: Salt tones down the tomato flavor and really kicks up the lemon flavor.

Cooking Thoughts: This would make a nice “conversation piece” tomato. Is it the best tomato you could offer company, no. But it is the best white tomato that I have tried. So, because it is interesting looking and not bad tasting, your guests will marvel if they see this on their plate. The lemon flavor would also play well with basil for a caprese salad.

Growing Notes:
The plant is in pretty poor shape. This was a plant that was particularly ravaged by the bandits. They did not do any obvious damage to the plant, but I wonder if them pulling tomatoes off the plant opened up the plant to a virus or disease. I will be lucky to get 1 more tomato off this plant before it is gone.

Will Hanna grow this one again:
Maybe. Not bad but I have had better.  I will keepit in the back of my mind if I ever am looking for an interesting tomato to fill a spot.

Part of Hanna’s Tomato Tastings 2009

There is one self evident truth about vegetables. If someone has worked really, really hard to make one that looks extra pretty, chances are it will taste pretty blech. Tomatoes especially. So, when I read the description of this tomato, I was pretty sure it would not taste all that spectacular. Super model tomatoes are just like the human kinds. Better if admired from afar.

I have been able to harvest this one due to the fact that it was planted in the front yard, away from my tomato bandits. Since it was described as an excellent container plant, I planted it in a wine barrel in the front yard.

And it is truly a pretty plant. Full and feathery, at least until the yellowing happened. It has been an extraordinarily rainy summer. I know this barrel has not been dry, but I also know the drainage is good. The entire plant started to turn yellow all in one week. No reason for it to. It had water, it had fertilizer. I am not sure if the tomatoes would normally look like this, or if the mysterious yellowing affected them.
The description from the company I got it from reads:

The bush type plants are a compact 24” tall and have silvery ferny foliage and round red fruit that dangles like Christmas ornaments. You can put it on display in an attractive container or in a hanging basket. The 3” – 3 ½” tomatoes have slightly tart, classic tomato flavor. A determinate type tomato, the fruit will set and ripen at the same time.

The Beauty Pageant:

Size: Somewhat smaller than a baseball..

Shape: Lumpy, bumpy on top and smooth and shiny on the bottom.

Color: Weak orange-ish-red. You know, if it were not for the fact that they were literally falling off the plant and they squeezed like they were ripe, I would swear from the appearance they were not ripe. Pics of other tomatoes online do show the fruit ranging from brilliant red to the same weak watery red these are.

The inside: Very thin walls. Multiple chambers with small seeds packed inside. Meat seems washed out.

Texture: Mealy but juicy. The gel is loose but does not make a mess.

Tasting:

Off the Vine Tasting: Well, I was not expecting a great tomato and, by golly, it has delivered. The gel is very tangy and tasty, but the meat is as bland as a store bought tomato. There is a weak echo of sweetness in the meat, but just a faint bit. You really have to pay attention to even realize the meat has any flavor.

Sliced and Salted Tasting: The salt sweetens the gel just a bit without affecting the tang, which makes for a nice balance in flavor. But salt in no way helps that bland meat.

Cooking Thoughts: About the only thing that I can think to use this tomato for is in a salad. If you were to de-seed it, you would be taking the only chance for flavor this tomato has.

Growing Notes:
Grew very well until 3 weeks ago when the whole plant started to turn yellow. It may be that the extra rain and the good drainage has leeched the nutrients from the soil, but frankly, that is common in any container. There is a pepper and basil plants in the same container and they are not showing signs of yellowing. Which leads me to believe that the tomato is just extra susceptible to the perils of life in a container. As this is touted as a good container plant, the fact that it is extra sensitive to normal container problems is not good.

Will Hanna grow this one again:
No. Well, at least not for tomatoes. This was a fun tomato to grow and is visually very pretty. It got lots of compliments from people who saw it. But, the fruit themselves were pretty lack-luster.

It would seem that I need to apologize to my tomato plants for insulting their sexuality. It has come to my attention that my lack of red tomatoes is not due to their lack of reproductive vigor, but rather a thief.

There is a tomato thief in my garden bed. I know what you are thinking. Here Hanna goes on a deer rant but, unfortunately, this time I cannot blame the long legged rats for this catastrophe. To be very frank, if it were deer, I would be missing tomato plants rather than just tomato fruit.

Nope, this thief is smaller, craftier and has thumbs. How do I know this? Because the tomatoes had been picked off the plant and the vines were undamaged. A feat that would require the perp to be able to grasp and pull the fruit. Anything remotely ripe was eaten. Anything green had a little bite taken out of it and was then thrown to the ground in apparent disgust. Oh, and the theft only occurs to a height of 3 feet.

Since we lack any monkeys, apes or gorillas roaming wild in this part of Cleveland (though often my children are mistaken for ones), I must turn my attention to the more native species of the area.

My first thought was raccoon. These shrewd critters long ago had their agents make a sweet deal with Disney that helped portray them as cute, cuddly and adorable. Fact of the matter is, the things would as soon eat Pocahontas’ face off as dance around the forest. They are not cute, they are not nice. They can be lethal on many levels.  They are wild animals, not stuffed animals. 

I promptly called animal control and was told I could have a cage to catch it with… in about 3 weeks… if I was lucky. And by lucky, they meant that it did not enter my house and make its home in the walls. For understandable reasons, people with raccoons in their home get precedent over people with them in their garden.

Understandable or no, 3 weeks is too long to wait. I have tomatoes on the line, people!!! I headed over to see my good friend Craig and in less than an hour, I had procured a live animal trap.

Then I went home to do my research. What is the best way to lure a raccoon. My first thought was to bait the trap with a tomato. After all, that is why the bugger was in my garden in the first place. And that is when I discovered a really important fact. Apparently raccoons are not so fond of tomatoes AND that damage like this is normally done by another vile critter. Opossums.

Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck. Nasty beasties they is. I am fairly certain that ROUS’s were modeled not after actual rats but rather opossums. These freakish marsupials are immune to most snake venom and resistant to rabies. And, they have more teeth than any other land mammal. They are just scary.

So, it’s off to catch a tomato thief.

Night #1 – I baited the trap with… what else… a tomato. Yes, a store bought tomato, but I was kind of hoping that tomatoes were to opossums what chocolate is to me. “Ok, so it’s crappy chocolate, but it’s still chocolate.”

Results – Nada. Well, except for more tomatoes pulled off the plants.

Night #2 – I moved onto peanut butter. There is no force in the ‘verse greater than peanut butter.

Results – The wily, wily critter went into the cage, scooped out a handful of peanut butter and did not trigger the trap. *grrr*

And, on top of that a rather cuddly squirrel tripped the trap after I checked in the morning. It must have been in there for an hour. By the time I found it, it had bashed its nose good while trying to escape. I go out to find a bloody nosed squirrel glaring at me. I let it go. Let me tell you, I can now recite a few choice not nice words in squirrelese.

Night #3 – More peanut butter. Obviously it worked, just have to make it work better.

Results – Well, we will see. Tonight is night 3. With any luck (and not the kind that keeps raccoons out of your house), in the morning, I will have caught myself a tomato thief.

UPDATE – No kidding, just as I hit publish on this post, I heard a snap and a high shrill chripping.  I caught my tomato thief!  And it was… drumroll… a raccoon!  Apparently they are not as nearly opposed to tomatoes as the internet would lead you to believe.  In the AM,I will have my little thief relocated (not killed,even I have a heart) to a new, not tomato growing area.  I promise to post photos before he goes.