You might be a gardener if…
…Your vegetable crisper drawer holds more vegetable seeds than actual vegetables
…When you go to the circus and step in elephant dung and your first thought is “I wonder if that would be good on the gardenâ€ and your second thought is “I wonder if they have a “U-haul it freeâ€ program.
…If you have convinced your fiancÃ© that The Svalbard Global Seed Vault makes a really good honeymoon destination.
…When you buy a house, your realtor’s checklist of gotta haves to look for before showing you a house contains no bishop weed on property, good southern light, and organic material rich soil (bonus if you provided a Tupperware container of desired soil type).
…You ever did not a pay a bill because you had spent your money buying a plant or seeds.
…If you spent more on plants than groceries in one month.
…Your kitchen cooking utensils also serve as gardening implements.
…You buy potting soil by the bale.
…You regularly trash pick for plastic pots and seedling cells.
…Killing slugs is a pleasurable and fulfilling pastime.
…Accidentally ruined pants because you mysteriously found yourself weeding.
…You have ever rescued a plant from an abandoned lot, building or yard.
…You have ever peed in your garden in an attempt to keep deer away.
…You have hired a shaman to cast a spell in an attempt to keep deer away.
…You have spent more on deer repellents than plants in an attempt to keep deer away.
…You have just said “fuck itâ€ and have run out into your front yard in a nightgown holding a loaded semi-automatic weapon and chased a deer down the street.
Feel free to add your own!