Finally! I get to garden. So ok, I could have gardened last weekend but some family members had to make a spur of the moment decision to move to North Carolina and I was familially obligated to see them before they became a vacation destination rather than the people I just get to see at Thanksgiving and other food holidays.
But this weekend, the shackles of life were removed and I. Got. To. Garden.
Actually, I got to till, weed, dig and build. Not too much actual planting but by golly, I will be planting tomorrow.
First on the list of things to do. Build a D.E.E.R. Fence.
Apparently, my little suburb of Cleveland (which does have a MetroPark but said MetroPark is miles from my home) has become the latest and trendiest place for all the local deer to move into. The small park near my home has become where all the mommy deer take their little ones to catch a passing glimpse of the playing “baby” humans. Honest, they think it is a human wildlife preserve. “Don’t worry dear,â€ they whisper to their wide eyed staring fawns as humans walk past, “they only look dangerous. These humans won’t hurt you.â€ And we don’t. We human walk by the herd that lays next to the park’s walking path EVERYDAY and either gawk like fools or curse that firing a gun is illegal inside city limits.
With all this deer tourist traffic, my garden has apparently found its way onto the deer version of the Berlitz travel guide and has become THE place to eat. Over the past few months, my garden has been peppered with deer hoof prints – only “problemâ€ is that the main course they are looking for in my garden has been taking a rain delay. So take that damn deer!
But now I do want to plant and I needed to let any and all deer know that my garden was now an exclusive eating establishment – mainly humans only. I have no problem being a speciest in this situationÂ And in order to accomplish that, I employed my favorite gardening tool — the spousal unit.
The spousal unit (and various offspring) spent the better part of two days erecting a 7 foot high chicken wire fence around my vegetable garden.
Why 7 foot? Because deer can jump 6 foot with no runup. Yep, you read that right, from standing, they can make Michael Jordan look pathetic (and I would have said LeBron James but we already think he is pathetic, so what is the point).
Why did the spousal unit do this for me? Because he knows that if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy (or getting marital benefits).
So what does D.E.E.R stand for?
- Eradication or at least
My husband is actually hoping that one jumps in but can’t jump out. Firing guns in city limits is illegal, but my husband owns a crossbow and that perfectly legal.